Forum Updates & Competitions => Competitions, Offers and giveaways => Topic started by: Paul on 16 Jan 2008 - 13:31

Title: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Paul on 16 Jan 2008 - 13:31
(http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/4426/youngyumakk3.jpg)

“IT PURRS, IT STALKS, IT KILLS!”

“WHEN PUSSY GOES BAD!”

We all know director Lucio Fulci for his depraved nasties like New York Ripper, but if you’re wondering why in France he’s held in the same esteem as Hitchcock, then the deliciously eerie The Black Cat is a great place to start.

Inspired by the Edgar Allen Poe tale, this black cat is a malevolent moggy that stalks through a sleepy English town appearing to fulfil the murderous wishes of its owner, the sinister psychic medium Professor Miles (Patrick Magee in fine deranged form). What Professor Miles has not reckoned on is his cat turning him into the next mouse to slowly kill!

High on gothic atmospheric thanks to the moody cinematography of Sergio Salvati, this unusual Fulci tale of claustrophobic terror is a little seen gem that compares to the best output of the Hammer and Amicus studios.Good afternoon campers.


Almar from Shameless has graciously donated us a copy of Fulci's classic Poe adaptation, THE BLACK CAT – the story of a man stalked by his mischievous feline friend. To win it, just tell us your weirdest (none of that, you filthy fuckers) or funniest story involving an animal. Best one wins...

Shameless Website (http://shameless-films.com/)

Shameless Myspace (http://www.myspace.com/shamelessdvd)
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: death_proof_reg on 16 Jan 2008 - 14:11
Me and some mates used to at the end of the night, sit in this guys shed and smoke weed. He had these guinnea pigs and they used to never have water. So my mate decided to piss in the bottles. All I can think of right now.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Inspector Tanzi on 16 Jan 2008 - 14:26
Someone i know threw a pice of lead (or slate) at a duck that was in the river behing a park we used to hang around in when we was kids smoking drugs, getting off with birds etc, it hit the duck straight in the side of the neck, it capsized and then dissapeared.

God got his own back on him though...

He went to a dogshit bin and got out a bag of shit, he was swinging it round and was going to throw it at one of my mates, the bag split and he got dogshit all up his arm and his neck!


Serves him right
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Inspector Tanzi on 16 Jan 2008 - 14:27
Oh Yeah! I think the blue fiesta driving piece of shit may have fucked his cat, theres no proof but it sounds good doesn't it! :D
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Paul on 16 Jan 2008 - 14:36
Oh Yeah! I think the blue fiesta driving piece of shit may have fucked his cat, theres no proof but it sounds good doesn't it! :D

It was the dog we actually suspected him of tampering with, wasn't it? It's was weak on it's back legs like he'd given the a right good tug and it did this weird cough/bark hybrid. He definitely abused that mangy mutt. I guarantee it.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Captain on 16 Jan 2008 - 15:48
Here's a few animal experiences I remember, don't know if they're funny, weird or just plain tragic/sad.
As a kid my parents put me on top of a pony for some reason. The pony took off going as fast as the little fucker could and crashed head first into a tree with me on top of it.
On that same vacation, they put me on a mule, the mule threw me atleast 2 meters into the air within a second. I hate mules and ponys ever since.
A year orso after, they put me on top (my parents really loved me huh?) on top of a fucking elephant (like the elephant would do the job right). Nothing happened, still got the picture though.
There's also a horseriding story from a couple of years ago, but that one is to hard to explain, lets just say it's been painfull for two weeks, there was ice involved too.
There's also this time when my hamsters caught fire.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Paul on 16 Jan 2008 - 15:56
Your hamsters caught fire? Tell us more...
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Captain on 16 Jan 2008 - 17:34
No shit. I had two hamsters living in a giant fish tank. One day a lamp fell in there setting the woodchips (or whatever it's called) on fire. We did noticed just in time to prevent the rest of the room/house going up in flames but unfortunatly not in time to save the hamsters who got burned to a crisp in the big 1984 fishtank inferno.

Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Inspector Tanzi on 16 Jan 2008 - 17:39
Did you eat them?
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Captain on 16 Jan 2008 - 17:48
Did you eat them?

Ofcourse.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Kevin Coed on 16 Jan 2008 - 17:49
Is this where you got the idea to set yourself on fire from? Is it an act of penance?
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Inspector Tanzi on 16 Jan 2008 - 17:50
Did you eat them?

Ofcourse.
::) ::) ::) :P
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: death_proof_reg on 16 Jan 2008 - 20:25
Is this where you got the idea to set yourself on fire from? Is it an act of penance?

haha ::)

Also, come on.. those poor animals basically lived on a weekly topping of piss!
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: vigilanteforce on 16 Jan 2008 - 20:27
This story is kind of funny and involves a black cat although I don't know if it qualifies: I used to know a guy who was into S & M stuff as well as Satanism and had a black cat called "Sado". He was usually sweet to the cat, calling it "little Sado". The cat never wanted to be patted was always sitting under a chair giving us evil looks. It occasionally meowed and it was always dirty with greasy hair. One day I visited that guy and he was feeding the cat spaghetti. The food was like a week old and he didn't even bother putting it in a plate. The cat was eating it from his wooden floor which was also dirty. Another day we were eating together and the guy's hands were dirty with some sauce that was in his food. So he started petting the cat, calling him sweet Sado or something but then I realized he was only doing it because he had no napkins and had to wipe his hands somehow LOL
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Inspector Tanzi on 16 Jan 2008 - 20:52
Another day we were eating together and the guy's hands were dirty with some sauce that was in his food. So he started petting the cat, calling him sweet Sado or something but then I realized he was only doing it because he had no napkins and had to wipe his hands somehow LOL
That's well funny! ::) ::) ::)
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: vigilanteforce on 16 Jan 2008 - 20:57
Yea well who knows what else that guy was doing to the cat when they were alone. Perhaps he was putting the sauce on his dick so the cat would lick it off LOL I mean judging from the cat's behavior that wouldn't be impossible.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: death_proof_reg on 16 Jan 2008 - 21:01
Vigilanteforce!!! you just reminded me of something

Back in primary school this guy invited me to his birthday sleepover, I said no (same fucker broke my nose) and two of my mates did go, and they told me that he pulled his pyjama trousers down and got his dog to lick his balls. I beleive it, he used to flash his cock at swimming, under the water, sick fuck... I also witnessed his dad flush his head down the toilet haha. anyway ya worth mentioning.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Stephen Grimes on 16 Jan 2008 - 21:18
I remember a mate in Rose Hill(dregs of south London :-*) giving his cat blow backs on a spliff and then watching the cats leg buckle underneath it,was nearly 20 years ago mind.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Paul on 16 Jan 2008 - 21:54
I remember a mate in Rose Hill(dregs of south London :-*) giving his cat blow backs on a spliff and then watching the cats leg buckle underneath it,was nearly 20 years ago mind.

Amate of mine used was living at home. Every Friday evening, his mum's friend would come over and she'd bring her cocker spaniel puppy. My mate would go down stairs and make a fuss of the dog and ask if he could take it up to his room. When he bought it back, he'd continually give it blowbacks. Really fucking funny--causae I swear--after a few weeks, the dog was clucking for it; would get really excited when my mate went down to see him!  ::)
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Inspector Tanzi on 17 Jan 2008 - 00:07
Vigilanteforce!!! you just reminded me of something

Back in primary school this guy invited me to his birthday sleepover, I said no (same fucker broke my nose) and two of my mates did go, and they told me that he pulled his pyjama trousers down and got his dog to lick his balls. I beleive it, he used to flash his cock at swimming, under the water, sick fuck... I also witnessed his dad flush his head down the toilet haha. anyway ya worth mentioning.
And that's reminded me of something!

A girl called Kate who i used to work with had a party, some bloke was really pissing here off with his drunken antics, so much he fell asleep/passed out, she pulled his trousers and pants down, smeared jam all round his dick and got the dog to come and lick it off while she took some polaroids.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: broonage on 17 Jan 2008 - 07:29
Did you eat them?

That was great!
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: broonage on 17 Jan 2008 - 07:34
I used to know a guy (who actually went insane, but that's another story) who'd put his two cats in the washing machine on a slow dry spin. They'd not be stressed, more confused as they would try to keep up with the spin (like a hamster on a wheel) and he'd giggle for hours after it. I gave him a good earful about that and told him if i see him do that again i'd kick his arse, cruel as hell.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Captain on 17 Jan 2008 - 10:14
Here's a dramatic one. Used to know a guy who had a small, weird looking dog. Kinda looked like a big, oversized rat. One saturday morning I show up at his house. The guy was not there so his father and me would go pick him up at his aunt's house or something. We get in the car and reverse into the street. But it felt like we drove over a rock or something. The guy's father starts yelling and cursing and tells me to stay in the car. We both got out though and there's this little dog with his head crushed, still moving a little. The guy's mother comes outside and starts crying. As the father was taking the dog inside I got on my little bike and took off, figured it was my fault. It wasn't though. The end.

ps. I didn't eat the dog.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Inspector Tanzi on 17 Jan 2008 - 10:54
When i wa about 18-19 i was cycling about with my mate Dave and we see loads of pigeons, decided to cycle through them so they would scatter and i fely a bump under my back wheel, i turned around and there was a pigeon wityh a broken neck dead on the floor, it hould have been quicker shouldn't it.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Paul on 17 Jan 2008 - 11:11
Why don't you tell them the story about the old lady and the Yorkshire Terrier?
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Mart85 on 17 Jan 2008 - 11:37
Hahaha some funny shit amigos.  I aint got no funny animal stories.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Inspector Tanzi on 17 Jan 2008 - 15:31
Why don't you tell them the story about the old lady and the Yorkshire Terrier?
I was walking along minding my own business and an old woman was approaching me with her little dog.

As we passed for no reason this horrible little cunt of a dog suddenly started to maul my leg, i managed to shake it off, it carried on so i booted it, it went flying into a wall then slumped down to the floor and loads of shit seeped out of it.

"You cruel vicious boy!" the old woman said and started ranting about her poor innocent fucking dog.

When dealing with old complainers like this the bet thing to shock them to make them shut up is a good bit of foul language.

"your dog attacked me you senile old cunt, fuck off and take your dog with you", or words to that effect.

I walked off and she just stood there shocked looking at her horrible little queer looking dog which was just laying there.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Paul on 17 Jan 2008 - 15:34
I've heard that story countless times over the years but I still chuckled like a cunt reading that, mate  :-\

Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Mart85 on 17 Jan 2008 - 19:14
Why don't you tell them the story about the old lady and the Yorkshire Terrier?
I was walking along minding my own business and an old woman was approaching me with her little dog.

As we passed for no reason this horrible little cunt of a dog suddenly started to maul my leg, i managed to shake it off, it carried on so i booted it, it went flying into a wall then slumped down to the floor and loads of shit seeped out of it.

"You cruel vicious boy!" the old woman said and started ranting about her poor innocent fucking dog.

When dealing with old complainers like this the bet thing to shock them to make them shut up is a good bit of foul language.

"your dog attacked me you senile old cunt, fuck off and take your dog with you", or words to that effect.

I walked off and she just stood there shocked looking at her horrible little queer looking dog which was just laying there.



 ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ::) ::) ::) :P :P

Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: mikekitchell on 18 Jan 2008 - 18:40
So, at certain points in the past my roommate was a bit more sexually promiscuous than he is now--namely, in high school and his first to years of college.  One night he had met some girl at a party and ended up going back with her to her parents house.  He was a horny teenager, so he, natch, had no complaints.  So him and this girl started 'gettin' down' so to speak, but my roommate couldn't help but notice that the girl's dog was just sort of sitting in the room, watching.  He found it kind of weird, but once again, horny teenage boy + horny teenage girl = pretty much nothing can stop the action.  So they did the dirty deed, and afterwards they were just sort of sitting their, naked, on top of the covers.  The dog was still there. 

All of a sudden, the dog jumps on the bed and licks my roommate's dick-- he sort of freaks out and has no idea what to do-- pushing the dog off the bed he jumps off and pulls his clothes back on.  "I have to go."

I don't think he's spoken to the girl since, but he's always extra careful that there aren't any animals in the room whenever he gets down to business now!
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: vigilanteforce on 18 Jan 2008 - 19:04
Why don't you tell them the story about the old lady and the Yorkshire Terrier?
I was walking along minding my own business and an old woman was approaching me with her little dog.

As we passed for no reason this horrible little cunt of a dog suddenly started to maul my leg, i managed to shake it off, it carried on so i booted it, it went flying into a wall then slumped down to the floor and loads of shit seeped out of it.

"You cruel vicious boy!" the old woman said and started ranting about her poor innocent fucking dog.

When dealing with old complainers like this the bet thing to shock them to make them shut up is a good bit of foul language.

"your dog attacked me you senile old cunt, fuck off and take your dog with you", or words to that effect.

I walked off and she just stood there shocked looking at her horrible little queer looking dog which was just laying there.


HAHAHAHA tanzi is the winner HANDS DOWN! I was having a shitty day so far and your story made me smile my friend.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Captain on 18 Jan 2008 - 19:15
Why don't you tell them the story about the old lady and the Yorkshire Terrier?
I was walking along minding my own business and an old woman was approaching me with her little dog.

As we passed for no reason this horrible little cunt of a dog suddenly started to maul my leg, i managed to shake it off, it carried on so i booted it, it went flying into a wall then slumped down to the floor and loads of shit seeped out of it.

"You cruel vicious boy!" the old woman said and started ranting about her poor innocent fucking dog.

When dealing with old complainers like this the bet thing to shock them to make them shut up is a good bit of foul language.

"your dog attacked me you senile old cunt, fuck off and take your dog with you", or words to that effect.

I walked off and she just stood there shocked looking at her horrible little queer looking dog which was just laying there.


HAHAHAHA tanzi is the winner HANDS DOWN! I was having a shitty day so far and your story made me smile my friend.

Yeah man that's some of the most funniest shit i've read in a while. I even read it outloud for my girlfriend, she just replied with "that's really swell Chris, but i'm watching tv". haha
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: vigilanteforce on 19 Jan 2008 - 02:15
I'd kill for a video of that incident.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Paul on 19 Jan 2008 - 11:03
Aarron is like a force of nature. I've witnesses some of his antics first hand and yet he still never ceases to amaze me. He was verbally abused by some old woman for something else once. He told her to fuck off and that he hoped she'd break her hip!  :-* :-\
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Paul on 06 Feb 2008 - 09:02
Sorry for the delay in announcing the winner; there were some great entries—many of which were very, very amusing but the one that made us laugh the most, was Lefteris' tale of a friend that used his cat as a napkin. Though we're not quite sure what a Greek guy was doing eating spaghetti, it entertained us all the same. Lefteris, we salute you and a copy of Fulci's BLACK CAT will be on the way. Please PM me your address so that we can get it in the post.
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Inspector Tanzi on 06 Feb 2008 - 14:56
but the one that made us laugh the most, was Lefteris' tale of a friend that used his cat as a napkin.
well done Lefteris ::)

i wonder if that character would have used the cat to wipe his arse with if he had ran out of toilet paper...
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Paul on 06 Feb 2008 - 15:08
The residue from the spaghetti sauce might sting a little...
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: vigilanteforce on 14 Feb 2008 - 13:24
haha thank you guys! looking forward to getting the disc! by the way... that guy went totally broke and just threw the black out of the house. it was seen by some other guys walking in the street but afterwards they lost it.

this is the guy: www.myspace.com/sadolust

Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Paul on 14 Feb 2008 - 14:45
Looking at his pictures, he's be right at home in one of the clubs seen in CRUISING  :-\
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: Inspector Tanzi on 14 Feb 2008 - 15:15
Looking at his pictures, he's be right at home in one of the clubs seen in CRUISING  :-\
Blue oyster
Title: Re: Black Cat Compo
Post by: vigilanteforce on 14 Feb 2008 - 21:20
hahahaha I think that is where he belongs  :-\