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[Paul]

“IT PURRS, IT STALKS, IT KILLS!”

“WHEN PUSSY GOES BAD!”

We all know director Lucio Fulci for his depraved nasties like New York Ripper, but if you’re wondering why in France he’s held in the same esteem as Hitchcock, then the deliciously eerie The Black Cat is a great place to start.

Inspired by the Edgar Allen Poe tale, this black cat is a malevolent moggy that stalks through a sleepy English town appearing to fulfil the murderous wishes of its owner, the sinister psychic medium Professor Miles (Patrick Magee in fine deranged form). What Professor Miles has not reckoned on is his cat turning him into the next mouse to slowly kill!

High on gothic atmospheric thanks to the moody cinematography of Sergio Salvati, this unusual Fulci tale of claustrophobic terror is a little seen gem that compares to the best output of the Hammer and Amicus studios.Good afternoon campers.

Almar from Shameless has graciously donated us a copy of Fulci's classic Poe adaptation, THE BLACK CAT – the story of a man stalked by his mischievous feline friend. To win it, just tell us your weirdest (none of that, you filthy fuckers) or funniest story involving an animal. Best one wins...

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[death_proof_reg]

Me and some mates used to at the end of the night, sit in this guys shed and smoke weed. He had these guinnea pigs and they used to never have water. So my mate decided to piss in the bottles. All I can think of right now.

[Inspector Tanzi]

Someone i know threw a pice of lead (or slate) at a duck that was in the river behing a park we used to hang around in when we was kids smoking drugs, getting off with birds etc, it hit the duck straight in the side of the neck, it capsized and then dissapeared.

God got his own back on him though...

He went to a dogshit bin and got out a bag of shit, he was swinging it round and was going to throw it at one of my mates, the bag split and he got dogshit all up his arm and his neck!


Serves him right

[Inspector Tanzi]

Oh Yeah! I think the blue fiesta driving piece of shit may have fucked his cat, theres no proof but it sounds good doesn't it!

[Paul]

Oh Yeah! I think the blue fiesta driving piece of shit may have fucked his cat, theres no proof but it sounds good doesn't it!

It was the dog we actually suspected him of tampering with, wasn't it? It's was weak on it's back legs like he'd given the a right good tug and it did this weird cough/bark hybrid. He definitely abused that mangy mutt. I guarantee it.

[Captain]

Here's a few animal experiences I remember, don't know if they're funny, weird or just plain tragic/sad.
As a kid my parents put me on top of a pony for some reason. The pony took off going as fast as the little fucker could and crashed head first into a tree with me on top of it.
On that same vacation, they put me on a mule, the mule threw me atleast 2 meters into the air within a second. I hate mules and ponys ever since.
A year orso after, they put me on top (my parents really loved me huh?) on top of a fucking elephant (like the elephant would do the job right). Nothing happened, still got the picture though.
There's also a horseriding story from a couple of years ago, but that one is to hard to explain, lets just say it's been painfull for two weeks, there was ice involved too.
There's also this time when my hamsters caught fire.

[Paul]

Your hamsters caught fire? Tell us more...

[Captain]

No shit. I had two hamsters living in a giant fish tank. One day a lamp fell in there setting the woodchips (or whatever it's called) on fire. We did noticed just in time to prevent the rest of the room/house going up in flames but unfortunatly not in time to save the hamsters who got burned to a crisp in the big 1984 fishtank inferno.

[Inspector Tanzi]

Did you eat them?

[Captain]

Did you eat them?

Ofcourse.

[Kevin Coed]

Is this where you got the idea to set yourself on fire from? Is it an act of penance?

[Inspector Tanzi]

Did you eat them?

Ofcourse.

[death_proof_reg]

Is this where you got the idea to set yourself on fire from? Is it an act of penance?

haha

Also, come on.. those poor animals basically lived on a weekly topping of piss!

[vigilanteforce]

This story is kind of funny and involves a black cat although I don't know if it qualifies: I used to know a guy who was into S & M stuff as well as Satanism and had a black cat called "Sado". He was usually sweet to the cat, calling it "little Sado". The cat never wanted to be patted was always sitting under a chair giving us evil looks. It occasionally meowed and it was always dirty with greasy hair. One day I visited that guy and he was feeding the cat spaghetti. The food was like a week old and he didn't even bother putting it in a plate. The cat was eating it from his wooden floor which was also dirty. Another day we were eating together and the guy's hands were dirty with some sauce that was in his food. So he started petting the cat, calling him sweet Sado or something but then I realized he was only doing it because he had no napkins and had to wipe his hands somehow LOL

[Inspector Tanzi]

Another day we were eating together and the guy's hands were dirty with some sauce that was in his food. So he started petting the cat, calling him sweet Sado or something but then I realized he was only doing it because he had no napkins and had to wipe his hands somehow LOL

That's well funny!