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[Paul]

So, another week, another competition...

After the lacklustre response to the last competition, we're taking it to the masses, so whether you're reading this on the forum or in our all-new, swanky newsletter, please keep reading and when you're done, have a go...

By now, the majority of you will be familiar with new UK label Shameless, which released its premiere titles yesterday – Lucio Fulci's notorious NEW YORK RIPPER – a film so grotty, former BBFC president James Ferman refused it a certificate and had the police escort the print out of the country immediately after seeing it, and Ruggero Deodato's insane, latter-day giallo THE PHANTOM OF DEATH, starring Michael York, Edwige Fenech and Donald Pleasance.

We've got a copy of each to give away, courtesy of our man Almar from Shameless, and will be running two distinctively innovative competitions around each. So, to kick things off, and to mark the emergence of a company that we really want to succeed (Almar is promising all kinds of sensational titles over the coming months), here's your chance to win a copy of NEW YORK RIPPER. All you have to do is to write a fairly brief summary of the most SHAMELESS thing you've ever done. It's simple: the craziest, most shameless story wins (!)

The competition closes next Monday, with the PHANTOM OF DEATH contest commencing the day after. Now, what are you waiting for? Get cracking...

J&P



Shameless on MySpace



EDIT:

The Shameless Website is now operational, as is the forum:

Website

Forum

[Stephen Grimes]

Was on the 6'oclock news back in the early 90's for putting call girl cards in telephone boxe's,unknown to me the news team were secretly filming the box from Westminister town hall in Marylebone Road.It shows me with a big circle around my head with the commentator describing what i'm doing etc,didn't know anything about it until i went to the pub that night where i recieved a round of appaluse and plenty of laughter from everyone,luckily a friend recorded it and i've still got the tape to this day  

[Paul]

That is hilrious and pretty fucking shameless too, Stephen! 

[Stephen Grimes]

That is hilrious and pretty fucking shameless too, Stephen! 

It was a long time ago as well,thank God those days are behind me now.

[Inspector Tanzi]

I was round this girls house that i knew who i considered a friend and somewhat unnatractive, one night she suddenly started coming on to me and to be honest i didn't want to know.

I went to sleep and thought nothing of it, when i was asleep i thought i was having an erotic dream, i opened my eyes to find this girl giving me a blow job! I thought fuck it and let her carry on, after a few minutes of sucking she stopped and said, that's it.

I'm laying there and the job still wasn't finished and i said so, she then said if i wanted to come i'd have to fuck her or have a wank.

I fucked her, i wish i fucking didn't. I felt dirty in the morning like i had been violated in some way!
I had her keep phoning me up the next day asking if we were now an item!

I've done my best to avoid her since!

[broonage]

When i worked at Cash Converters in Aberdeen I went out for a nice Indian meal with my workmates. Sounds innocent enough...
Well, one of my colleagues used to be a waiter at that same restaurant. FREE whisky all evening, i was daft and drank the whisky that was flowing freely like Coca Cola. Everytime i turned to speak with someone and then turn around again, my glass was topped up by the nice waiters. Bam, that was my last memory until 4.30am the next morning.
I woke up, the world was moving, it was cold (well it was October, but silly me was only only wearing a hoodied jumper), it was dark. Where the hell was I? I got up and realised i was in some bushes. Caked in mud, i had dog shit all over my shoes (huh?), i then realised i was at a harbour. I still had my mobile, bag, and wallet. I thought "hey i'm in Dundee" so i phoned a Dundee cab:
Me - "hi, can i have a taxi please?"
Operator - "sure, where are you?"
Me - "uuuu, hmmmm, I DON'T KNOW!!"
Operator hangs up

I start to walk, i decide to follow a path. I see someone,
Me - "Where am I?"
Guy - "Aberdeen"
Me - "awesome, what way to the high street" i felt a wave of relief
Guy - "that way, it's about a 30 minutes walk"

1 hour later I arrive at the high street, i take a taxi. The driver says to me i stink of shit! Damn that doodoo on my shoe.
I arrive at my flat, jump in the shower, go to bed - it's 6am. Next morning my flatmates wake me up saying "where the hell were you last night?" Then one asks "what's that on your shoe?" I am sick all day and stay in bed still drunk.
That night i push myself out of bed, I put my clothes in the wash, as i pick up my hooded jumper, a beetle crawls across the floor!
Next day at work, i am still ill, feeling like a truck has driven over my head a couple of times. All my colleagues give me THAT look "i know what you did on the weekend". Apparently i got out of control as we walked to a pub after the meal, i was going up to everyone in the street and talking nonsense. We arrive at the pub, i fall asleep on the pavement outside, they eventually attend to me. I enter the pub and announce "hello" and all that drunken crap to everyone. The pub is near the harbour, which is near the red light district, I go out the pub and start making fun of the "pros" near the pub, my colleagues pull me back in. I go out again to be sick. That's the last time they see me.
I guess i must have walked along the harbour found a comfortable bush and slept in it. October in Aberdeen with a jumper, in a dodgy area. I'm lucky to have survived (in many ways!)?! Ha, but at work i wasn't ashamed, I was amused and more pissed off with my hangover. I quickly quit that job never to see them again. Everyone should have a shameless adventure like that. Then again, I have never touched whisky or Indian food since.
 

[Jonny]

This is the best competition ever!

[Paul]

I was round this girls house that i knew who i considered a friend and somewhat unnatractive, one night she suddenly started coming on to me and to be honest i didn't want to know.

I went to sleep and thought nothing of it, when i was asleep i thought i was having an erotic dream, i opened my eyes to find this girl giving me a blow job! I thought fuck it and let her carry on, after a few minutes of sucking she stopped and said, that's it.

I'm laying there and the job still wasn't finished and i said so, she then said if i wanted to come i'd have to fuck her or have a wank.

I fucked her, i wish i fucking didn't. I felt dirty in the morning like i had been violated in some way!
I had her keep phoning me up the next day asking if we were now an item!

I've done my best to avoid her since!

Wasn't she the same bird that Martin and a bunch of other geezers took it in turns to finger through a catflap, and she had to guess which one of them it was?   Qaulity!

These stories are ace. Well done guys. Keep them coming. Good response, considering the comp's only been up for  just over half an hour...

I've got many Shameless stories, and I'll probably litter this thread with them, out of competition, so to speak.

First up, and this is one of my favourites. At a work party when I was 21, we were on a booze cruise. Free bar. Proper tangle. I was drinking two bottles of beer at the same time for a good proportion of the evening. Snogged a bird who worked for me, and then passed out on the deck. When some do-gooders attempted to lift me off the floor, I bit their hands. I managed to bite seven "victims", one so badly, he considered going to the the hospital for a tetanus jab!

[Inspector Tanzi]

I managed to bite seven "victims", one so badly, he considered going to the the hospital for a tetanus jab!

Is that the time you had to go to the hospital after too much booze and stuck your head up a nurse's skirt telling her what you would like to do to her.

[Paul]

I managed to bite seven "victims", one so badly, he considered going to the the hospital for a tetanus jab!

Is that the time you had to go to the hospital after too much booze and stuck your head up a nurse's skirt telling her what you would like to do to her.

No, that was a couple of years before! I sat on all fours howling like a wolf, before I stuck my head right up her skirt!

I need to stop this, I'll end up winning the competiton! 

[death_proof_reg]

Most shameless thing I can think of didnt happen to me, but its funny anyway, me and some mates were standing outside a chip shop, drunk as hell, when I turn around to look at my mate he has his hand down the back of his jeans, when he brings it out, he has shit all over his hand, which he then wipes on his face, laughing like its just a joke, we were killing ourselves, but staying away from him, to the point he cried, so then we decide to go back to someones house as they have a free, and when we get there we decide to stick my drunk mate in the bath to sleep (stupid idea he could have drowned, but he smelled like shit and we werent thinking) so we leave and forget about him. The next morning, whenever anyone went to take a piss, they'd see my mate lying in the bath, the water yellow, vomit all down him and shit smeared all over him. Was disgusting. Unbeleivable, I cant beleive it happened.

I remember the next monday at school writing JASE SHAT HIMSELF AND LICKED IT in pen at some flats, where we smoked.

He denied it all.

[Richard C]

Most of my shameless acts probably took place when I was in uni.

In my first year I lived in a house with 3 annoying bitches who used to piss me off no end with childish stuff like putting salt in my sugar etc. So one evening when they were out I decided to act revenge in the only way I knew how - bodily fluids.... I started by wanking in their milk (we kept separate containers so I wouldn't drink it), swishing it around so they couldn't tell, then proceeded to rub their cultery between my arse crack and finished by pissing on their plates.... I don't think they suspected a thing and they were bemused by my smug face whenever they made a cup of tea..... Morale of the story - don't piss off a Welsh man.... Not sure whether that's a shameless or shameful story but....

I'll tell you another story involving a group of feminists, china Xmas decorations and large amounts of Ozu later.....

[Inspector Tanzi]

Most of my shameless acts probably took place when I was in uni.

In my first year I lived in a house with 3 annoying bitches who used to piss me off no end with childish stuff like putting salt in my sugar etc. So one evening when they were out I decided to act revenge in the only way I knew how - bodily fluids.... I started by wanking in their milk (we kept separate containers so I wouldn't drink it), swishing it around so they couldn't tell, then proceeded to rub their cultery between my arse crack and finished by pissing on their plates.... I don't think they suspected a thing and they were bemused by my smug face whenever they made a cup of tea..... Morale of the story - don't piss off a Welsh man.... Not sure whether that's a shameless or shameful story but....

I'll tell you another story involving a group of feminists, china Xmas decorations and large amounts of Ozu later.....

You dirty cunt

gave you a good karma point for that one

[Paul]

That's really funny – reminds me of a story about one of my mates, who will remain nameless, but isn't a forum member, in case you were wondering...

Being the nice lad that he is, he invited his ex-girlfriend over from France to stay. Put her and her new boyfriend up and let them sleep in his bed. Weird, I know, but keep reading. Anyway, he reckons that they were shagging and making a hell of a lot of racket, in a deliberate attempt to be horrible to him and his parrot, the latter being in a cage in the bedroom where they were shagging. Apparently, the girl was screaming in ecstasy, the headboard was hitting the wall at an alarmingly fast rate and the parrot was squawking like there was no tomorrow...

Upset and probably disturbed by what he had heard, my mate decided to lay in wait. When they left his flat to go sight-seeing, he tossed off and wiped the residue on the girl's i-pod headphones and teddybear. He also inserted both of their toothbrushes in his arsehole!

This same guy once bragged about sticking a twirl up a girl's bum and eating it.

Tanzi, I ask you to respect the guy by not mentioning his name, even though you know exactly who I'm talking about. And guys, count yourselves lucky he's not entering this competition, as you'd have no chance of winning it!

[Inspector Tanzi]

Ahhhhh!